Better Sex and Relationship Coach App Juicebox - Brianna Rader
Transcript:
Speaker 1: 00:00:00 Make love not war has joined patrion. What's Patreon? You ask. It's an amazing website where fans like you can directly support an artist like an Italian prince would do during the renaissance era for artists such as Leonardo Da Vinci or Michelangelo. You don't have to donate a bag of gold and silver like a patron prince to be awesome. Simply go to www.patreon.com/makemorelovenotwar and click become a patron. It takes about three minutes and it's very easy. If you feel like a wealthy Italian prince after donating a few bucks, well then you go ahead and own that feeling. Today we interview Briana Raider. She is the founder of a Revolutionary Amazing Sex and dating coaching APP called juice box.
Speaker 2: 00:00:59 From a very young age we're told you can't talk about sex or you shouldn't have sex. It's dirty, it's dangerous. Don't do it, and then we can't talk about it at school or at work or with her family. And then suddenly we're adults and we're expected to be amazing at sex and relationships. And then we're not, because we're never really taught how to. And so then we feel shame because in the media we, we see everyone's just so amazing at sex and in, in relation
Speaker 3: 00:01:28 chips,
Speaker 2: 00:01:31 there are three very distinct types of orgasms for women and often a woman, different women experienced different type. I feel like women have more struggles with sexual pleasure and empowerment. I think men just like have a sense of their own pleasure from a way, way earlier age. Let's get started.
Speaker 1: 00:02:07 Hi and welcome to make love not war. This is Terah Harrison, a licensed professional counselor and relationship expert. This is her husband Jeff Harrison. Have no qualifications whatsoever. Just a normal dude. And today we're here with Brianna rater and she is the founder and creator of an APP called juice box.
Speaker 2: 00:02:31 Question. What is juice box? Brianna, thanks so much for having me. Yeah. Is an APP in the APP store for iphones and we connect people one on one with sex dating and relationship coaches anonymously. So it's usually for people that want to talk about their dating life. Maybe they're single and they're tired of being single or people that are in long term relationships or marriages where they're arguing a lot or they're unhappy with their sex lives. Maybe they're bored, maybe they want to change things up, and then also we work with a lot of people that are struggling with erectile issues, performance, anxiety, women that have never had an orgasm. You know that whole umbrella of topics around intimacy and sex and love.
Speaker 1: 00:03:16 That's awesome and so necessary. It's I think that it's so difficult for people to talk about sex, especially in American culture and just being able to have this place where you can talk about it anonymously and just bring up anything. Things that a lot of people don't even tell their closest friends I think is just such an amazing resource.
Speaker 2: 00:03:38 Yeah, we definitely agree. I mean, our core mission really is just to get people talking about sex and relationships openly and honestly. I think you're right that it's so incredibly difficult to talk about these topics because from a very young age, we're told you can't talk about sex or you shouldn't have sex. It's dirty. It's dangerous, don't do it, and then we can't talk about it at school or at work or with our family and then suddenly we're adults and we're expected to be amazing at sex and relationships and then we're not because we're never really taught how to. And so then we feel shame because in the media we, we see everyone's just so amazing at sex in relationships. Oh yes. Then we're forced to learn via trial and error and when you do that, it leads to bad or even traumatic experiences.
Speaker 1: 00:04:32 Yeah. We're, we're then people pair sex with failure and just in a negative feelings and frustration and if they were able to talk about it together in a way that's comfortable for both of them, that they may be able to work through those things and even you have a sense of humor about it because sex can be funny and that's. And it's a fun way to connect to. Oh my God, yes. Yes.
Speaker 2: 00:04:57 So, right. I mean, I see. I like talked to so many people where sex is the silent act, you know, like they feel like talking will ruin the mood. And I feel like sex should stop and go and laugh and just relax. It shouldn't be this serious topic where you just can't even say anything or you'll like destroy the moment.
Speaker 1: 00:05:19 Yes. You have to do the deed and get it done. Move on. You've checked your box for the day. Right. Well, um, I think you answered this a little bit, but I'd like to know more about what inspired you to design juice box. Yeah. Well, I, my back
Speaker 2: 00:05:36 ground is, I grew up in Tennessee and in the south and in Tennessee often sex education is very limited. I mean in Tennessee it's illegal and the public school systems to discuss condoms or birth control. And so that was my context growing up. And then when I started college at the University of Tennessee, I realized that the university also didn't have any programming. And so I started a local organization to provide comprehensive sex ed to college students in the state of Tennessee. And it was met with quite a lot of backlash. And through that process of the state getting involved and they defunded my organization, they legally condemned me. Oh my God, and my organization and it was like all over the news. I was on the bill o'reilly show. It just, it blew up and that was my first experience in the field and I realized that this is so needed in this topic is so scary for people, but really, yeah, I did.
Speaker 2: 00:06:36 I didn't have the patience for like the public policy battle and so I was drawn to technology as a way to reach people, reach way more people and make it way more accessible and affordable. Where were you actually teaching there in Tennessee that you shut down? Well, we're teaching a lot of different things [inaudible], so we're diversity and inclusivity is very important for us. So we talked about Lgbtq sexual health, we included things that related to pleasure, right? So we helped people talk about the female orgasm and how to safely give blow jobs and those sorts of like real life topics. So we weren't just saying, oh, get std tested. And so I think because we included diverse perspectives and pleasure, everyone got all upset, which is absurd because if you, if you remove pleasure from the conversation, uh, you're never really going to fully discuss the real topics and you're never really gonna reach people.
Speaker 2: 00:07:38 Oh yeah. And there's so much fear surrounding sex and how, you know, how unmotivating is that to have all this fear surrounded, surrounding it. And, and it's just with that, it's so hard for people to connect sexually because they're so afraid of their own sexuality of someone else's sexuality. And a lot of times I found in sessions when I'm, I'm doing sex therapy with couples and we're just talking about sex or on talking about sex with an individual, just the fact that I'm present with them and we're talking about it and they're able to talk about and whatever, whatever they're struggling with or things that they like that they want to try with their partners and stuff like that. It's so relieving and therapeutic just to feel like they can talk about it. Right. No, that's so important for us. I mean, when you listen to a TV show or a podcast or you read a blog, like that's definitely a great first step, but it's very different from taking an action and so that's a lot about what juice box is, is it's not just passively consuming information. We want you to actually talk to the coach and get practice discussing these topics and see the coaches or role model. So then when you go out to your dating life or in your with your partner, it's feels much, much easier. Yeah, and I really like how you're. I'm taking that
Speaker 1: 00:09:06 avenue of moving it from something passive to something connective and that just continues to build that positivity around sex, that sex is connecting. It's not something that you sit in your room by yourself and think about it and feel shame. You can talk to other people about it and find out that actually your experience, your sexual preferences, things that you're interested in, things that you fantasize about or a really pretty normal.
Speaker 2: 00:09:33 Like I always tell people if you can find it online and somebody else's thought about it, right? I mean, I don't think anyone could say anything to our coaches that would surprise them. I mean juice box is completely ashamed. Free Zone.
Speaker 1: 00:09:48 Yeah, exactly. And just that acceptance is so powerful of whatever it is that anybody wants to talk about around sex. Yeah. So I really see a juice box is something that's really empowering that sex, positive culture. What have you seen with that and your experience with it? So far?
Speaker 2: 00:10:05 I've been really, really happy to see some of the transformations that from our clients, so I mean the APP is free to download and there's a couple of free features where people can share stories and experiences about sex and dating and relationships and people can up vote and comment and there's also a forum where you can ask questions to our coaches and then upvote them and we answered the questions that get the most up votes for free. And so with those free features, it's been really cool to see people relate to each other because it's anonymous and you can go there and see that someone else out there is posting a story that's similar to your own and it makes you feel less alone and makes you feel more, you know, quote unquote normal. And I think that's very powerful. And that's sex positive. And then with the coaching, uh, it's, we try to make it as completely as affordable and accessible as possible because you know, it's on your phone, in your pocket at all times and it's only $24 per week.
Speaker 2: 00:11:06 And our coaches always reply seven days a week within 24 hours. And so through the coaching, I've seen some really cool transformations where like a straight man who's married will come into the APP and he's coming to us for maybe performance anxiety or rectal issues. I'm thinking of one particular case. And of course we helped him address these issues and gave him exercises and he was able to improve and, and lasts longer. But then we realized that he had never really talked to his wife of many, many years what she enjoyed in bed and so we were able to open up that conversation and then over the course of a few months see him come from like having issues, you know, maintaining erection all the way to having way more often with his wife and way more enjoyable sex.
Speaker 1: 00:11:57 Yeah. And, and, and so much more reinforcing to him to see her pleasure and to, to feel that sense of, wow, I'm, I'm bringing this to her.
Speaker 2: 00:12:06 Yeah, exactly. I mean, I think men, I've seen men like sometimes their ego is wrapped up in how much their girlfriend or wife is enjoying sex. And while that can be some what problematic, at least at the end of the day, they're still like helping their partner enjoy sex and that's much better than the guys that just don't even care. And so, uh, I get a little bit over half of our clients are men and so it's been really cool to see them be become better lovers for their girlfriends and wives.
Speaker 1: 00:12:40 Yes. Well, and so a lot of our listeners are men too, and so for our, for our guys, I'm, I'm, I would love to know what are you seeing that your male users are learning about women's sexuality that has maybe been really eye opening for them?
Speaker 2: 00:12:58 Yeah, I think it really did pins the cause. Like I said, we, we take clients in and we address whatever their immediate question or issue or goal is. So when you download the APP we ask you a few very simple questions about how your dating sex and relationship satisfaction are and we asked you to set a couple goals and so that's, that's what coaching really, you know, the differences with coaching and therapy is where we're all about like where you're at and then where you want to go and less so about processing the past. Although that does happen some. And so when we see men come to the platform, we definitely address their immediate questions. But I think what is cool is that we've seen people come in that are in actually pretty good relationships and help them learn more advanced techniques and skills. And then that communication that pairs with it.
Speaker 2: 00:13:54 So we've helped people discuss like how do multiple orgasms to work, we've actually helped men with prostate play. What does that look like or what is exploring kink or bdsm look like? People that have never ever explored that. So those are some of the more, I don't know if it's true to call it advanced, but you know, topics that feel a little bit past just like basic communication skills. Um, but I think definitely like helping their girlfriends and wives orgasm and talk about different types of sex. I think that's huge because we see men come in and they feel like they don't have sex enough with their partner. But then when we really dive in, we discover that maybe it's because the partner doesn't want to have that particular kind of sex. But I feel like we're so ingrained from a very, very young age that sex means penis in vagina. And often that could mean very little foreplay or very little attention for the woman. And so I think a lot of it is like resetting our perspectives.
Speaker 4: 00:15:01 It's almost as if just having you a juice box as a tool out there, just gets it the conversation going and it's sorta like getting a snowball effect and once you get it going then they start communicating at all.
Speaker 2: 00:15:16 Yeah. I mean that's how I feel about it. I feel like. I mean I feel like this just being just myself, I mean a lot of my friends and acquaintances, no me as like, oh the woman with the sec startup or the woman with the sex app and sometimes I think I have fun with that because often when I'm at dinner or at a bar or with people, suddenly everyone's like, oh she's here, we can talk about sex because like, you know, maybe you guys feel similarly. Oh deb. But I think me and juice box and people like you all sometimes or that prompt and from there, you know, things can always improve and get better and in that exploration is fun.
Speaker 1: 00:15:58 Yeah. And people want to, they get excited about it because they just have, like you said earlier, that you can't talk about it at work. You can't talk about it at school, you can't talk about it aisle at the grocery store, you know, I mean, even though, I mean there's so much fruit out there that just looks really sexual, but you can't talk about it there and it's just so relieving to be like, Oh, now I had this place where I can talk about it.
Speaker 4: 00:16:22 Yeah. So I mean going into a little more, you know, from a guy's perspective, looking at this thing, talking about, we can't talk about it and everything, but I mean here we have the whole me too thing that's happened from a guy's perspective. We definitely don't want to be bringing this up at work. We don't even want to compliment a woman on how she looks at work. I mean it's, it becomes scary almost to the point that even some guys are getting to the point that they're like, I'm not even going to go into a meeting where it's just me and just a female in there. I'm just not going to do it anymore. And so, I mean like, have you noticed that since some of this me too self has sorta come out that you guys are even more of a, of a, of a tool that people can use to have resource to actually bring this matter up?
Speaker 2: 00:17:12 You know, that's a really good topic to bring up the cars. We have seen men that have been coming to us because I think it's fair to say that a lot of men are feeling a little lost right now and a little alone because not I don't feel like the rules have changed at all post me too. But maybe some men are becoming more aware of their actions and like, and what can happen. And I think that that can be kind of shocking. And so yes, we definitely have been coming to us and the, the Ah, the topic definitely comes up, especially for men who are dating about what is the best approach, you know, how to unlearn some of the things that they've done. Like they've, I don't, we don't have any of course people that are using us that are actually like assaulters or serial rapist or anything like that, but I mean even men like you who, you know, people you maybe say the wrong thing or you, I think a lot of men feel nervous. Am I going to do the wrong thing? Am I going to say the wrong thing? And I think our coaches are definitely helping some men with that and I'm glad that we can be that space because like you said, a lot of men are not feeling comfortable discussing these issues openly because I think also a lot of men are worried about criticism. So if they bring up this topic are women gonna suddenly like attack them for saying the wrong thing. So I, I am happy that we can be that space for men.
Speaker 1: 00:18:40 Yeah. And a lot of guys have brought up to me just trying to figure out, okay, I want to make sure I know what consent really looks like without breaking the mood in the sense of going every, you know, do every time you do something new, is this okay? Can you. Yeah, can you tell me this is okay. And so they're, they're feeling really torn about, well, how do I, how do I make sure that, that there's full consent on both sides with whatever we're doing and sort of be smooth about it, you know? Yeah.
Speaker 2: 00:19:14 It's also a good point because whenever we see a scene in a movie or TV show, we don't see any of that happen. Right? We don't see people talk about consent or even get out the bottle of lube or get out the condom like, and I, you know, there's very bad role models and examples for this. So I'm, I'm happy that there are resources like this podcast and juice box that can start setting those, those examples.
Speaker 1: 00:19:41 Yeah. And in one really awesome trend that I'm seeing, which I'm not surprised about is as men are curious and they want to know and they're looking at themselves too.
Speaker 2: 00:19:51 Yeah, there seems to be a lot of reflection going on, not just for men but for women too. And I think some women are feeling angry because they're reflecting on their past experiences and sort of reexamining them in a different Lens. And realizing that maybe, you know, it wasn't okay that he did that. And I think men, uh, you know, are also trying to move forward in a more positive way.
Speaker 1: 00:20:12 Yeah. Because that, that culture hurts all of us. And so the more empowered we all are to really be direct about what we want and the more people can talk about sex, the more clear what we want is going to be because we'll know and we can tell each other.
Speaker 2: 00:20:30 I mean, even I struggle with this, sometimes I have to say, okay, Brianna practice what you preach because it is, it can be scary to just openly discussed sex, especially with like a new partner or someone you don't know super well. But I, I do wish people could say, you know, hey, I'm, I'm really enjoying flirting with you, or hey, I, I would like you to come back to my house, like, what are you open to doing tonight? Or Hey, I, I would love to hook up with you. I'd love to go back to your place. But just so you know, I'm only interested in oral sex tonight and I don't want to have penetrative sex. I feel like very, very few people say these types of sentences to each other pack. Just uttering them feel so uncomfortable and then that just makes things so unclear.
Speaker 4: 00:21:20 Yeah. Yeah. And then once you bring it up and there's no backing out, it feels like, okay, I said we'd do this and maybe later on you don't really want to to. Yeah.
Speaker 2: 00:21:31 And I think one thing that people need to realize though is that if the other person is actually into you, I think they would be thrilled to hear these things. Like if someone I was into said, hey, I'm enjoying flirting with you, I would feel so incredibly flattered. And, and if it's not reciprocated, it's better to know early, you know, and just approach that as a no, thank you. It's not like a huge rejection and there's plenty of other people out there,
Speaker 4: 00:21:58 but I can tell you from a guy's point of view, I mean, so take your dating, you're, you're totally single. And so, I mean, first step you have to build up the courage to actually just ask somebody out just to do that or just to go up and talk to them and you can get totally rejected right there. So that's one. And then you know, the first date, the second date might be rejected. So you always feel like the last thing you want to do is just sort of go, hey, can we do this? And they're like, no, you're a creep. Get out of here.
Speaker 2: 00:22:36 I mean, yeah, there's definitely a right way to do it. I'm not. Yeah. But I think on the flip side, I think we definitely trained women socially. We've socially trained men to pursue, to dominate, to win. And we've purse. We've trained women to be passive. And for the man to ask them out for the man to give them their pleasure. And so on both sides, uh, we need to retrain because I think women need to be comfortable with the idea of asking a guy out every once in awhile or even being more empowered to speak up and to the empowered to give ourselves our own pleasure. Yeah. And also the playing games thing. I think on both sides, men and women need to stop that. Like the whole playing hard to get, like all of that leads to potentially bad or traumatic experiences. And it blurs the lines with harassment and assault is very bad. Yeah. I think that the more people are aware of an accepting of their own needs and validate them, the more clear they can be about what those are and less games they're going to
Speaker 1: 00:23:46 play. The more a woman knows how to pleasure herself, the more she can direct a man into what to do to give her an orgasm. And it starts with that with us connecting with ourselves sexually. I, yeah, I completely agree. What do you. What is some advice that you would give women to be more direct and to just, I mean that it's just okay to actually come up to a guy and he's going to actually appreciate that and just let them know that are they also really worried about just the rejection side and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2: 00:24:19 As far as dating goes, I think everyone is scared of rejection of. The problem is, is that now we're adults, but we're still kind of acting like seventh grade middle schoolers at the dance. Except now it's combined with like alcohol and like more adult responsibilities. Like none of us have become less awkward or really more confident than we were in middle school. So I feel like I always try to tell myself like, look, the other person is just as nervous as I am. So true. I think so. I think that's one point for women though. I mean I think so. If a woman was, you know, using juice box and paired with one of our coaches, I think the whole conversation would start with, you know, a sense of yourself. Like do you have a masturbation routine? Do you self pleasure, you know, how is your confidence it starting there before we launch into necessarily dating or hooking up or your partner?
Speaker 1: 00:25:24 Yeah. And so interesting for my experience in private practice working with both men and women with sex is, is women are so much more uncomfortable talking about masturbation because I don't, I don't know, messages you got about masturbation growing up, but I what I was told or what I understood is that women don't masturbate. Men Masturbate, but you know, only women who are kind of gross do that. And like that's just a gross thing for women to do. And so it was just, you know, uh, like that's okay for men, but women have more self restraint than that, you know?
Speaker 2: 00:25:59 Yes. Same here. I mean I, I was told, I mean to me it didn't even occur to me honestly because it was seen as so shameful that the idea idea didn't even really like pop into my head. And so I didn't actually masturbate until I was a sophomore in college at age 20. And I would, I think it's safe to say that almost no man waits that long, so I think, I think men just like have a sense of their own pleasure from a way, way earlier age.
Speaker 1: 00:26:30 Yeah, definitely. And women definitely get that, um, message that our bodies are shameful. We have to cover them up and hide them and we have to shave off our hair, you know, and we have to pluck your eyebrows and makeup on her face and all of that kind of stuff, you know, to hide who, what are our bodies really smell like look like, feel like. Yeah. So it's, it's a big challenge I think for women to be able to just connect with themselves sexually and know that that's okay.
Speaker 3: 00:27:03 Let's take a moment to stop and take a quick break. We'll be right back.
Speaker 1: 00:27:10 Do you look at your wedding pictures and wonder, how did things go so wrong? Have you given up on your relationship? Are you going to let what you've built together crumble to dust? If not, let me work with you to get your connection back on track. I'm opening my private practice up to a limited number of listeners that are serious about fighting for their relationships. Don't let your relationship, your family, your life fall apart because you let your pride holds you back from asking for help. Call me at six, eight, two, six, five, one five slash seven, five, two or email me. It makes more love. Not War@Gmail.com. Today we can turn this around together. So tell me more about how your APP works.
Speaker 2: 00:28:07 Yeah. Well, so it's, it's only on iphone right now, unfortunately, but you just type in the word juice box, one word into the APP store and it's free to download and the first thing you're going to see as basically like seven questions that are all on a slider. So we, we don't want to be too prescriptive for people to check yes or no, so everything's on a slider. You, your gender, your orientation, but also your satisfaction levels because we don't want it to just be like good, bad. And so after that then you're paired with Kaitlyn and Kaitlyn is our matching expert and so you talked to her for completely still for free, a little bit about what you're hoping to, to improve or learn or change. And then Caitlin will take that information and pair you with the coach that's best for you. So all of our coaches are, you know, they're generalists, like they can of course address all of the basic issues.
Speaker 2: 00:29:08 But some of our coaches, my may specialize like, have focuses a little bit differently. Like I know some of our coaches prefer to talk about female orgasm coaching and then some of our coaches are better working with men and some specialize in kink or bondage. And so if there's any of those issues, we just take care to pair them with the appropriate coach. And uh, we offer people a five day free trial so your listeners can actually talk to a coach for five days, like, for free. And then after that, that's when it starts charging $24 per week that you can cancel at any time. So we have some people that'll be coached for two weeks and other people that'll be coached for five months and it's really up to the client how they want to use it with the coach and then actually beyond just the one on one coaching, we actually have a library of free sources.
Speaker 2: 00:30:07 So these are exercises and guides and scripts on different topics and we assign them to the client based on what they're interested in learning and these are interactive. So for instance, we have one script called difficult conversations and so there if you are struggling talking to your day or your partner about something, it'll guide you through your thoughts and processing that and then it will actually automatically reorganize your words into a script that you could essentially email or text to the other person. But you know, mostly it's a way for you to get your thoughts in order before you go have that conversation. Oh, that's great. Because it's so hard sometimes just to start those conversations and just being able to have an idea of what you want to say and how you want to say. It really helps people get in the moment instead of getting too much in their heads. You can really respond better if you know where you're at first. Right, exactly. And I think we even do a lot of our coaches, uh, enjoy doing role playing with our clients, so they'll text back and forth in the APP, uh, a conversation the coach will pretend to be the wife or the partner or the date, um, and they'll actually practice back and forth having that difficult conversation or flirting or a first date conversation. I think that really helps a lot.
Speaker 4: 00:31:35 Oh yeah. I mean that's just sparring basically like a boxer or something. Right. I think just any kind of practice is good just to get you in the ring, Huh? Yeah. Just to gets trying. I mean just uh, you know, and, and doing it at real time as well. I mean, yeah, it's one thing to be able to have forever to say something back to somebody or text back or whatever, but to do it at speed is also difficult that you've got to practice with anything.
Speaker 2: 00:32:05 Yeah, I think so. We have some clients that, you know, they have fantasies or new activities or they want to buy new toys and they're just terrified to share this information with their wife or their girlfriend. Um, we've seen that case come up quite a bit and so they'll practice, you know, bringing up that fantasy or that toy with the coach beforehand.
Speaker 4: 00:32:29 Okay. So I've got a question for you on that. So let's say somebody is having difficulty with this. Let's just say it's a female. She's having difficulty, she wants to get a and she's afraid to bring this up to her husband or boyfriend or whatever. And her worst case scenario is something in her head. How often does it ever even come close to that's even like ever even happens. Like they do it and I mean, my envision is that the guys like, okay, great. Is, it's never as bad as she probably thinks it is. She just needs to just do it.
Speaker 2: 00:33:07 Yeah. On. Yeah. I mean I think if you're in a healthy relationship, I think you're completely correct that it's never as bad as what people anticipate it being. I have seen the occasional case of I think, well I think men have a lot of insecurity around their penis size often and so if a spouse or a girlfriend brings up maybe getting dildos or vibrators, occasionally I've seen men respond negatively because of their own insecurity and that always is frustrating for me to see that happen because I mean I understand where the guy's coming from, but I can't understand how a man can be insecure of like an inanimate object that's like a dildo. But anyway, it happens. And so I think I've seen that case and. And that involves a little bit more deep conversation, but I think you're absolutely right that most of the time it's not nearly as big of a deal.
Speaker 4: 00:34:08 Yeah. But a lot of women are insecure about pornography, that that's going to replace them too.
Speaker 2: 00:34:15 Yes. And that also is a problem. I mean, I don't. I think people, I mean, yeah, the poor and subject. That's interesting. We can go down that rabbit hole I think. I mean I think porn is complete. There is nothing wrong with porn. It's more. I wish that there were, there is feminist porn out there. I wish there was more of it. I wish more aware of what ethical pornography meant and how to find appropriate porn and I think I wish people were completely comfortable sharing porn with their partner. I mean just like, Hey, this is why I watch, check this out, you know, things like that. Um, but yeah, on both sides, I think that insecurity is interesting around videos and toys.
Speaker 1: 00:35:04 Well, something I thought was interesting when Jeff and I were having conversations about porn is I did say, well, are you comparing me to, we're watching these women and stuff. And he was like, no, I mean I'm, I'm just pairing you with the sexual excitement of all of it and it makes you even sexier. And that was something I just didn't even know that that's the way his mind worked with that and just being able to have the conversation about it was, you know, it was really connecting for us.
Speaker 2: 00:35:36 Yeah, I mean, yeah, that's really great. I mean it's, porn is just entertainment, you know, that's, that's all it is. Definitely. It's not at all,
Speaker 1: 00:35:44 not reality life, but yeah, I think that's a great point. Remembering that it is entertainment. It's not reality. And talking about, um, what you brought up in the beginning of the interview about how a lot of kids don't learn anything in, at home or in school or anywhere about sex and they're learning it through porn. Then they think that this is reality because they're not having conversations as they get older and have sexual partners. And this is what snowballs into having all these issues because yes, it's entertainment and it's really connecting when you're both really turned on by it and you're talking about sexuality together. Um, but if you're looking at it as reality than it can be disconnecting.
Speaker 2: 00:36:28 Yeah. And I actually, one of our coaches knows a lot about the industry and she was telling me and coaching some of our clients about, you know, just pornography in general, like ways to approach it, uh, in your relationship. And I learned something that I never knew and I wish this was told to people from a young age that you know, the scenes where it's like anal sex and the guy's penis is just going in and out and it's like so fast and it looks so easy and the woman looks like it's like the best thing in the world. It's just so unrealistic. I learned that often in those scenes, the woman has worn above plug for like hours and hours before the scene to prepare to be able to like interact in that way. And I just feel like if people even knew like simple facts like that they would offer their perspective would be like so totally different.
Speaker 1: 00:37:27 So true. It's Kinda like when you see the unphotoshopped pictures of women and you're like, oh, okay, this is what reality is. Yeah. Yeah. I mean there's a lot of acting in it.
Speaker 4: 00:37:38 Well that goes with what does that not go towards? I mean like even bodybuilders. I mean they dehydrate themselves before they go into competitions and stuff and they don't look anything like as ripped as they are. And in normal life, except for those that two, three days that they're competing. So it's just everything. It doesn't mean everything's like that. I mean there's a curtain, there's always something behind every curtain of any kind of performance, no matter what it is. And that's hard for people to even understand until you actually do stuff outside of just normal life.
Speaker 1: 00:38:13 Yeah. Yeah. So true. And I think because that this topic can be so taboo to people and people are so uncomfortable talking about it. This is just one of those things that a lot of people don't realize and it's really simple and it. And I think that it would take away a lot of anxiety and stress about it if it were just like something that people knew, right? The easy button
Speaker 2: 00:38:36 would be pushed.
Speaker 4: 00:38:37 So when somebody comes to your website or your app and uh, it is just an APP, right? It's not a website as well.
Speaker 2: 00:38:46 Yeah, it's an APP. I mean we have a marketing website, but the product is an APP.
Speaker 4: 00:38:50 Okay. So they come to your site, does it, is it just an individual or do you also work with couples and is. Does it start as this individual and then become a couple thing? How does it normally go?
Speaker 2: 00:39:05 Yeah, so we pair people one on one there. We don't have a feature for couples to like sink their apps with the coach. We don't do couples therapy. We totally can. I mean we've, we can pair each half of the couple with coaches but we don't have like one chat room where all three individuals are in the same chat room, if that makes sense. Have you had any couples that both work with the same coach? Yes. Okay. So that's one way that couples can do it. If they want to work with the same person so that they can talk about, you know, what they talk about together and, and be able to compare and understand and want that person to know both of them. Then that is something they can do. Yeah, absolutely. We can coordinate any requests. Like I want to talk to a male coach. I want my partner to talk to the same coach. I want to talk to an African American coach. I want to talk to an Lgbtq coach. Like it's just, it's whatever is good for the client. And I loved that you hand match your clients with the coaches. I think that that's a great touch. Yeah, it is hand selected. It's not some algorithm that does it for you. Yeah, I think that's very personal.
Speaker 4: 00:40:18 I really, I really liked that. So if somebody comes to you, keep a couple of times you brought up females having difficulty with orgasm, what would be a process that they go through on this?
Speaker 2: 00:40:31 Yeah, well, I think it depends where the woman's at, but if we just imagine a scenario where a woman has never orgasmed, we would start with, you know, some anatomy lessons if that hasn't been addressed. Uh, we often tell women to get a mirror and just look at their own body to have a sense of that. We have exercises and guides that go through the anatomy and go through simple exercises to start touching yourself. And I think a lot about what juice box does is very, very tangible. So I think some people would say, oh, you need to explore yourself and you need to touch yourself and then figuring out what works for you. And while that advice is great, we would say something more like, take your index finger, put it on your clit, move in a circular motion, then move in a diagonal motion, do it for five seconds, see which one feels better.
Speaker 2: 00:41:29 And then like in the exercise, you can actually write down what feels better and track all this and your coach can receive that feedback and can help you figure out what to do next. So I think that's basically the process we would go through. I think if the woman has shame around masturbation, that would need to be addressed. If the woman feels insecure, touching herself or feels insecure with vibrators, I think all of these are topics that we would address. And I think honestly, part of it, I think it's just setting up realistic expectations. Because I, I mean some, some men and some women expect a penetrative sex to be able to equal and orgasm and very often it canton women can't orgasm like that.
Speaker 1: 00:42:15 Well just all the different types of orgasms to understanding that, you know, um, and both women and men understanding all the, all the ways that they can give each other orgasms. And I mean that's. And that's, I'm sure it's been an amazing realization for a lot of people too because they all feel so different. Right. Exactly. What about from the standpoint of a, have you ever had this kind of issue where a guy comes in and he's like, I just don't know what's going on with my partner? She will. It's just not working. Everything, all the awesome skills that I had that works so awesome on everyone else or, or my last partner. It just doesn't work. There's something wrong with her. I mean,
Speaker 2: 00:42:59 yeah, I mean, I think, I think you're right that, that situation comes up to. I think, I don't want to sound like a broken record, but we would definitely go back to the topic of communication there and has that guy asks his girlfriend what she enjoys because you're right that whatever you did with your last partner is not going to work the same with your next partner. I mean it's good to call on that experience but it's definitely not going to be like a cookie cutter and you know, it's hard because I think some women don't feel comfortable speaking up. I think a lot of it is, you know, men giving women the space to speak up and asking the right questions. I think even so, let's say you're having sex with your girlfriend and you say, does this feel good? And then you've answered. You've asked a yes or no question and if the girlfriend doesn't have a lot of confidence or empowerment, I think she might just be like, yes, like quietly. But I think it's about asking the right kinds of questions, like asking very open ended questions that aren't just yes or no. And I think even that you can get a little bit more Intel on what you're doing and how to change it up.
Speaker 1: 00:44:13 Yeah. And just also being able to watch each other masturbate gives you a lot of input.
Speaker 2: 00:44:19 That's so true. I think a lot of the clients that we've worked with initially when we bring up that idea there, they're a little scared about that. And so I think talking through that and feeling around that will really help a lot.
Speaker 4: 00:44:34 Just my own personal experience has told me that every single female I've ever been with has like something completely different. Like there hasn't been one consistent thing. Zero. I mean it's amazing to me how that's been the case. So I mean each time you're basically having to ix, you're being an explorer
Speaker 1: 00:45:01 each time. It's a whole new world every time. But the thing is is that you can look at that two ways. One, you can feel really overwhelmed with it. Like, Oh, I'm not gonna. Be able to use these skills and the and the next relationship. Or you can be really excited about it and think about what a pleasurable journey that is to figure each other out together. I mean, even jeff and I had a laugh last night because we'd been married for seven years. We've known each other for over 10 years and we found out something new about each other. Last night we were like, oh, okay, we got, we have new things to try. This is awesome. So
Speaker 2: 00:45:35 I was just going to add the fact that I don't know if you've mentioned this before, but actually there is a huge difference because 65 percent of straight women orgasm regularly during sex were for men. It's like over 95 percent. So there's definitely a gap there that needs to be addressed. And also what you mentioned about, you know, women not experiencing pleasure the same way each time. There unfortunately has been very, very little research done on female pleasure and female sexuality compared to men. But it's interesting because there's this company called Linus that is a smart vibrator for women and it actually tracks your orgasm data and puts it back on an APP. It tracks your pelvic floor contractions and they're early research has shown that there are three very distinct types of orgasms for women and often a woman, different women experienced different types and so I think that adds to what you're saying. I think they established them as like, oh, there's the avalanche orgasm, there's the volcano orgasm, and I don't remember the name of the third one, but in their research they've seen that usually a woman can't have all three types and they're like, oh, I'm an avalanche orgasm or, or something like that. And so anyway, some research is starting to be done, but it's very interesting.
Speaker 1: 00:46:55 Have you heard the vagina monologues? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I love the bit where they do all of the different orgasm sounds. It's hilarious that I was just thinking of that as you were saying that and it just made me giggle inside.
Speaker 4: 00:47:10 So on the dating side, how, when somebody comes to you and wants help on the dating side, are you actually helping them from the very beginning? I mean, they need to help every detail.
Speaker 2: 00:47:22 Yes. So we. One of the things that we do is online dating profile reviews, so we'll look at your tinder, Okcupid, et cetera profile, and actually recommend changes to be made there and how we go from that process all the way to what do you text the date, how do you plan the first date, what kind of things do you talk about on the first date? Should you ask a second date? How do you do that? All of those beginning steps, you know, all the way to the to where maybe you've been going on dates for awhile, but you're confused. Does the other person like me, where's this going? I think being a sounding board and having a coach for all of those processes is so supportive and I think the dating process can be really frustrating and so it's nice to have that cheerleader in your corner, um, that it's in your phone and accessible seven days a week.
Speaker 1: 00:48:16 What's a, what's an example of something that you would change on somebody's profile?
Speaker 2: 00:48:20 Yeah, well, I think it depends. I think some men struggle with, you know, what photos to select and they're not being like very aware or thoughtful about how they're presenting themselves on the APP. And so I do think we help their, you know, picking flattering photos
Speaker 1: 00:48:39 you mean, but you don't mean like the pictures of them just not wearing a shirt, you mean? Oh the, yeah, those are bad. So terrible. Have you seen it? Oh, what's a good one?
Speaker 2: 00:48:52 Just be like very clear, you know, of your face, like no sunglasses, no hat, you're smiling and then maybe some photos of you with friends to show that you're like a social person. Um, photos of you doing interesting activities. I think people struggle with, you know, car selfies, mirror selfies like don't do that. So we. And also your bio is important. I think a lot of people leave it blank or they treat it as a joke. I mean if you're looking for just one night stands and you don't really care, maybe that's one thing. But if you're looking to find meaningful connections and longterm relationships, you should not treat your bio as just a joke.
Speaker 1: 00:49:35 So true. Because I think, you know, one thing that we struggle with realizing about, uh, how our brains are different is that with men being a lot more visually oriented, when they are making their profiles, they tend to make a profile of something they might find attractive if a woman were to post it, which is not really what a woman is looking for. She is looking for. She does want to read the Bio. She does want to see, oh, you know, you're an emotionally safe guy, see you there or with your dog and I see you there with your friends and you know, I, I see you at that really sweet smile. Like this guy looks. I mean he's, he has the whole picture versus leading with the way somebody looks. Yeah, I think that's a good point. And I think being honest, so many people aren't honest about their expectations. I mean if you're 37
Speaker 2: 00:50:28 and you're looking for a husband, you want to have kids in the next couple of years like you shouldn't. You need to be. I'm not saying you need to say like I want to have kids in the next two years on your first date or anything, but you should definitely be fairly honest with yourself and your date about what you're looking for.
Speaker 4: 00:50:45 Hmm. So somebodies getting help from you. I'm talking to mainly from a guy's perspective. So He's, he, he wants to start dating somebody. He gets in touch with you to do, you know, you tune up his profile and everything. He gets a female wants to, you know, talk to him. Would he call the coach and say, Hey, that girl that I want you to know that I'm interested in going out with, she's sent me this. What do you think I should respond with this? Is it that type of level?
Speaker 2: 00:51:19 Absolutely. We. So you can share photos in the APP. So a lot of people take screenshots of email exchanges, text message exchanges, tinder exchanges and send it to the coach and the coach will help absolutely write a response with you and actually give you the vocabulary to use and kind of talk back and forth about what you're looking for and what kind of thing you want to communicate.
Speaker 4: 00:51:45 So then after a date they may even say, hey, it went well and what do you think I should say now?
Speaker 2: 00:51:50 Yes, absolutely. Yes. All we want to be extremely tangible in detail oriented. So we help with every step of the way and we always reply within 24 hours, which is very different from if you see someone once a week or once every other week. Um, we, we try to be way more accessible that way. Wow.
Speaker 1: 00:52:11 And I think that's just such a great community and as women we tend to have stronger community bonds when talking about things like this, like dating and relationships and stuff. And it's, it's hard for guys to talk to talk to each other about it even if they want to. And so, especially for men, having the support I think is really huge and it just takes the scariness out of dating because a lot of them are or they're fearful of it.
Speaker 2: 00:52:39 Yeah. I think you're right about women having stronger social networks and I am happy that we can provide some feedback and support for men. You feel like they can't have those intimate connections, intimate conversations with their friends?
Speaker 4: 00:52:54 Yeah, I mean most guys do not have that at all. I mean there's no, they probably just make fun of each other more than anything.
Speaker 2: 00:53:05 Yeah, they make a joke out of it because they're uncomfortable.
Speaker 4: 00:53:08 I mean, you're talking, talking about this, going out on dates and everything. It reminds me so much of what all the pickup artists have been fine tuning over the years and the techniques that they do like, uh, like what Neil Strauss wrote in the game. And do you go into some of that kind of stuff where you sort of say, hey, this, when you go up to her, you need to say this, you need to let her talk. You need to do this. Do you go to those kinds of levels?
Speaker 2: 00:53:38 I wouldn't say we're so I, you know, the pickup artist's style. We don't approach it in that way because I think pickup artists can be very demeaning to women and they talk about seduction and like winning and like getting the girl and I very offended by those, that type of language, but I think that in a larger point of view, like the more tangible approaches like make eye contact, like give her space to have a conversation if a guy needs help with those types of things, we absolutely helped with that. Actually we have, now that I'm thinking about it, we do have some interesting cases where, um,
Speaker 2: 00:54:26 folks with folks that maybe haven't dated much at all or people that might have disabilities that have led them to date a little bit later in life. Like maybe something related to schizophrenia or autism or aspbergers. I think we've also seen that we can help those folks out quite a bit because they absolutely have been not given the type of resources that they deserve from their healthcare providers and their community. And I think that they're definitely owed coaches and that type of support because they're also, you know, deserving of sex and relationships and dating and love and helping out with role models and role play and those conversations and dating can really help a lot.
Speaker 4: 00:55:18 So you said earlier that you want to get rid of some of the games that everybody plays a hard to get and all that kind of stuff. What is something that, how do you envision that that could ever happen? Because in a lot of we call it hard to get and we, we call it a game, but it's all the same stuff that happens in just any kind of negotiations for pretty much anything. How do we get past that?
Speaker 2: 00:55:43 Yeah, I mean you're, we're talking now about things that happen at the societal level. So it's definitely not going to change overnight. I think, you know, it's going to change at the individual level and hopefully as we have more conversations about, you know, gender roles and sexual harassment and standards, things will slowly start to change. I mean already just the me too movement I think has. I mean it appeared in the media as if it happened overnight, but I think it was actually like a decades long conversation because you know, the term sexual harassment was coined in the 19 seventies, so we've, we've been at this for quite a while, so I do think it'll be several more years, but I think of course there's an element of negotiation, but this isn't a business transaction and so I think people really need to be more honest about their expectations and their desires and I'm not saying you have to put all of your cards on the table at once, but I still think that a level of honesty is important. Well,
Speaker 1: 00:56:52 I think that the word conversation that you brought up a second ago is really the key here, right? It's just starting to have this open communication and the more that you can communicate with, be honest with yourself and then be able to be vulnerable and honest with others, it really starts to negate the need for those games. You don't need that because you don't need to play that script. You can just play you. Yeah, that's a good point. Where do you think is going, what could help women to be less afraid of being looked down upon if something bad did happen to them that they're afraid to bring it up
Speaker 2: 00:57:34 and you're referring to some sort of sexual harassment kind of thing and like in the past and bringing it up with a current partner? Yeah, we've seen that we have a couple clients that are survivors of assault or something like that in the, in the past, and then they're trying to be intimate again with a current date or partner. Um, it really depends. I mean, are they struggling from trauma and digging into that, but I mean I would hope that if they're in a healthy relationship and they feel safe with this person, that they can just openly have a conversation about it. And if not, then you know, I'm not a coach so I can't provide like very detailed answers about what exactly they should do. But our coaches could definitely, you know, provide that dialogue and practice back and forth about how to tell your day or your partner about it. But I think there does need to be a bit more education in general from a younger age about. I mean, I'm, I'm not sure what you, you think as you know, a standard guy, but before the me too movement. Do you think most men were aware that every single woman in the world experiences sexual harassment? Usually multiple times in their life? I'm not sure if most men realize that. So I think just like that level of empathy will help a lot.
Speaker 1: 00:59:07 I think that's so true because so many women, because they feel ashamed or that the experience is their fault. They don't communicate that these things happen. And so men really don't. And so I think that's what's so powerful about me too, is that men are, are they know now they know more that yeah, women do have these experiences. And so when I say something and I'm just kidding and she reacts this way, this is why. And just the understanding of it.
Speaker 4: 00:59:41 I think most guys would probably say that, that they don't wear the line actually is, you know, if you. And this gets back to the whole why you don't want to even bring it up at work. You don't want to talk about around mixed company, you know, you basically are like, I don't want to come across as being, you know, sexually harassing somebody just because I made a joke about something or you know, any locker room kind of talk that if you're just a with a bunch of guys, nobody's going to care. So
Speaker 2: 01:00:14 I think that that's the problem, right, is that someone should care when it's, when you're around a bunch of guys, someone should say, hey, that's fucked up, stop. And only when that happens, will we actually see change when men stop having those conversations
Speaker 4: 01:00:29 amongst men.
Speaker 1: 01:00:31 So true. And so as women, we can bring the awareness as much as we can and that's what we can do. But the change has to come from men.
Speaker 2: 01:00:39 Right? And that's why, I mean I see a lot of folks, a lot of startups and a lot of products out there when we're talking about the field of sexuality and sexual health are only targeting women. And I can understand why, because I feel like women have more struggles with sexual pleasure and empowerment, but at the end of the day, if we don't address these topics with men, we're really never going to change anything.
Speaker 1: 01:01:04 Yeah. Preaching to the choir need to bring everybody else then. Right. Well Brianna, thank you so much for your time today. It's been a really interesting discussion and I'm just in recap to give us the, the particulars about the APP. So just to go over it again, where can people get this app?
Speaker 2: 01:01:25 So it's in the APP store for iphones. Just type in the word juice box one word and download it there and we're able to give everyone a five day free trial. And how much per week is it? It's $24 per week. Okay. And you and you pay per week, right? So you
Speaker 1: 01:01:43 can cancel and at any time or. And you can restart it anytime. Like if you use it for two weeks and then you're like, ah. And then the next week you're like, oh, I really needed that again. You can just get right back on.
Speaker 2: 01:01:54 Yeah, exactly. And we try to make it way more affordable. It's similar to, you know, a copay versus a $200 per hour rate.
Speaker 1: 01:02:02 Definitely. And coaches are available. The answer a question within 24 hours. Yes. Yeah.
Speaker 4: 01:02:09 And what's the vetting on the coaches?
Speaker 2: 01:02:12 Yeah, so there's a couple different people. They're not all the exact same license, so piece about half of them are actually licensed therapists, but they specialize in sex and then we have people that are certified by Acep, which is the American Association for sex educators, counselors and therapists. And then we have certified intimacy educator. So everyone has a minimum of five years of experience and then everyone has one of those certifications.
Speaker 1: 01:02:40 Awesome. Yeah. I'm super excited about this APP. I think you're going to help a lot of people. Yeah. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. As always, if you have any questions, comments, or would like to be on the show, go to our website, make more love, not war.com, and send us an email. Be sure to subscribe to our show on either itunes or stitcher to make sure you get our shows as soon as they're available. You can also donate to this show at Patrion.com/mate. More love not war. Thanks for listening.